I've come to know many sides of grief. I remember a schoolmate dying when I was in my early teens. He was run over by a streetcar in my home town in southern Brazil. I couldn't understand how someone my age, who had just invited me to his birthday party the week before, could now lie lifeless before me in a coffin. When we talked about our grief among friends in school, one girl said, "You hypocrites! Last week you didn't think he was such a hero!" Her words stung. It was true that I hadn't valued him as much the week before. But he had become important now. I didn't know how to feel. I became silent.

Not talking about the loss of that friend, created a hidden place in me. Later, as I experienced other major losses (people, relationships, pets, health, dreams, beliefs), I learned to approach death/loss with silence. I didn't know how to express it. I felt dishonest saying anything, so I just dismissed my emotions unless they just burst out in tears. The tears then dried, and I went on with life.

Years ago, Abbie and I asked  the question, "What makes a difference? What is helpful when we are with people who are hurting?" Our answer then was listening. 

Everyone wants to be heard even when the words are not there. Yet, we just haven't learned to listen to each other beyond words. So often, when we hurt, we feel alone. We don't want advice. We want to be heard, and when we are, our hurt is transformed; we feel connected. 

At the time of that initial discussion atop a hill looking into the Colorado National Monument,  we agreed to begin to form ideas around building a "buddy system" where people could be trained to listen to each other. Together we set our intent to become better listeners ourselves  in the world and to encourage others to join us in improving their listening skills.  The seed of that conversation became the sprout that we now call OASIS-   One Another Strong - Interconnected in Spirit...

More recently, I experienced the greatest grief of my life, the estrangement of someone very dear to me, my daughter. I felt the life had gone from me, but I went through life's motions, much like a robot. I became silent, not knowing what to say. My grief looked for the hidden place. I went on with life.

Yet, others were there to listen. They encouraged me to talk, and talk, and talk, even when I felt like I had nothing to say. It hurt too much. Most of the time, I didn't know I was grieving until I started talking. Over the last few years, through my talking and being heard, the pain has gone. The sadness is there, but the desperate ache of grief is gone. I can deal with the sadness and find joy in my daily life. Those were OASIS Friends in my life.

OASIS is becoming and always will be in process. OASIS Friends are people from all geographical areas,  who have also walked the grief path. We are a supportive community of friends who listen to each other through life's journey.  We are survivors and we are together. Each of us has a story which continues to be told as we experience life on Earth. 

We are not joined by our beliefs, our religion, our gender, our backgrounds or our life styles. We are joined through the love that seeks connection as we face the inevitable darkness and learn to redefine our purpose for living.